The Swamp Witch

“Stay focused now on the work you must do and powerful lessons will be yours for the learning. Oftentimes there is pain associated with making gains, but today the difficult side of your experience is minimized. You can dig deeply, extract the juice and then get on with your day. But move slowly so you have enough time to soak it all in.”

I realized yesterday that one week from today I will be 37 weeks along in my pregnancy and, were I to go into labor, my baby would be considered full term. Let me repeat that. My baby will be full term on Tuesday. In seven days.

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (Runs screaming around the house trying to decide what to do first)

So this week and next, I have Tuesday and Thursday to devote to getting things ready for little JoJo Skywalker. I also have the weekends. However, I also have about one-sixteenth the energy level I normally have. Couple that with my inability to sleep because there is just no comfortable position I can get into…it doesn’t matter how many pillows I use or how much yoga stretching and breathing I do before bed…sleep ain’t happenin’ much these days.

So I log onto the internet today to read my email and this is my horoscope. Yes, I truly must focus on the work I mustdo. But first, I have to calm my mind so I can delineate what I must do versus what I’d like to have done. Yes, being preggers is a big ole’ pain in the pa-toot-tie, but I suppose it will be worth it in the end…can I just say, however, that that reassurance does jack squat for a woman who spends part of her day hanging over the commode upchucking her previous meal or for a woman who has not slept soundly in two months. I guess it’ll be worth it, but I’d like to keep my food down and get a good night’s rest once in a while. And yes, I must go slowly because, well, I don’t have an option. And that is a really hard lesson for me to learn. I don’t do “slow down” well. I do “breakneck speed and go for it like your life depends on it.”

So here’s my take on horoscopes:

1. The horoscopes you read in the newspaper (or on google) are based solely on your sun sign. We each also have a moon sign and other astrological forces at play. A real horoscope would take those into account and give you a personalized reading. That’s why the ones you read in the paper are so vague.

2. If the position of the moon can affect the waves of the ocean — the thing that covers over 70% of this planet — then little ole’ me, who is mostly water, anyway, is most certainly affected by the pull and push of celestial bodies.

3. I don’t believe that we are so autonomous as to have complete control over our fate, down to the minutia. Just ask any man about how the friend in his pants will sometimes stand up and say hello for no apparent reason, or why a hormonally imbalanced pregnant lady who is normally very polite will tell you exactly what she thinks of your new haircut.